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For centuries man has obsessed over countless ways to harm or possibly kill his fellow mankind. Do not be fooled into thinking kung fu is a basic form of self defense, oh no Kung fu is actually one of the dark arts, Formulated to
hurt a lot. Kung fu is perhaps even the darkest of the dark arts since it does not require any additional weaponage such as nun-chucks or shurican to harm kill, maim or squish the opponent into a bloody pulp. Kung fu (pronounced Ku-ng-Phoo) Originated in china in the year 100bc and was invented by a man with poor teeth, who spoke even poorer English. Despite these set backs he was always getting laid and He could even write. When I found this out i was like HOLY CRAP! This mans name was Kunfucious.
One day after meditating in a bamboo forest he accidentally killed everyone within a four mile radius in a horrible beard accident, this led to his realization that kung fu was LETHAL and should only be used in the right hands. He decided to spend the rest of his life teaching people the basic principles of kung fu such as free love, self respect and how to control their powers. He is much remembered to this day.
HOW TO BE A GRAND MASTER
Warning: What you are about to read is so amazing you might just pee your pants. Only read this if you are totally prepared and ready for the responsibility! Otherwise if you are an immature baby run away now. Be warned this is seriously mind blowing. Since I have been studying martial arts for six years now ( im also a black belt in karate i should add) I have learned a thing maybe even two things. Iv'e decided to reveal to you the most amazing secret yet. How to reach the position of grand master dragon (the highest possible rank in kung fu) in four easy steps. Heres what to do:
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hurt a lot. Kung fu is perhaps even the darkest of the dark arts since it does not require any additional weaponage such as nun-chucks or shurican to harm kill, maim or squish the opponent into a bloody pulp. Kung fu (pronounced Ku-ng-Phoo) Originated in china in the year 100bc and was invented by a man with poor teeth, who spoke even poorer English. Despite these set backs he was always getting laid and He could even write. When I found this out i was like HOLY CRAP! This mans name was Kunfucious.
One day after meditating in a bamboo forest he accidentally killed everyone within a four mile radius in a horrible beard accident, this led to his realization that kung fu was LETHAL and should only be used in the right hands. He decided to spend the rest of his life teaching people the basic principles of kung fu such as free love, self respect and how to control their powers. He is much remembered to this day.
HOW TO BE A GRAND MASTER
Warning: What you are about to read is so amazing you might just pee your pants. Only read this if you are totally prepared and ready for the responsibility! Otherwise if you are an immature baby run away now. Be warned this is seriously mind blowing. Since I have been studying martial arts for six years now ( im also a black belt in karate i should add) I have learned a thing maybe even two things. Iv'e decided to reveal to you the most amazing secret yet. How to reach the position of grand master dragon (the highest possible rank in kung fu) in four easy steps. Heres what to do:
Step one: Hire out tons of kung fu movies featuring Bruce lee and Jackie Chan and other well known martial artists.
Step two: Watch the movies very carefully. Teacher says you only need to watch once before the moves are electrically stored into your brain but you might want to watch again just incase.
Step three: Now practice the moves until you get it right, this might take years but teacher assures me I'm improving.
Step four: Go kick some butt!, No Really. You may want to wait a little or try on someone smaller than you, but you need to know. If you are unable to kick butt you must return to step one and try again but this time try harder.
FACTS
Step two: Watch the movies very carefully. Teacher says you only need to watch once before the moves are electrically stored into your brain but you might want to watch again just incase.
Step three: Now practice the moves until you get it right, this might take years but teacher assures me I'm improving.
Step four: Go kick some butt!, No Really. You may want to wait a little or try on someone smaller than you, but you need to know. If you are unable to kick butt you must return to step one and try again but this time try harder.
Fact: The nose is actually one of the most dangerous parts of the body as it is the sharpest part of the body. It has many practical applications in self defense.
Fact:
In order to strengthen the force of a head butt try banging your head against a brick wall prior to using this attack. Dragon masters spend years banging their head in order to acquire a stronger scull and resilience to pain.
Fact:
Kung fu is the closest known real life equivalent to "The force" from the star wars movies.
Fact:
Any dude can injure someone by kicking them in the head but a kung fu master can actually kick himself in the head.
Fact:
Kung fu masters have an aura of awesomeness and get tons of chicks all the time.
Fact:
Kung fu masters are totally secret about their powers and look like completely normal people.
Fact:
Kung fu masters mainly eat raw fish.
Fact:
Kung fu has many different styles called “forms” one such form is the chi-gong form which utilizes common household items such as toasters and wooden stools.
Fact:
Kung fu it totally SWEET.
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